Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
