at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's like heaven, but drunker
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
