if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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