Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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