i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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