I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
