we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
