then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
