it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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