he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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