Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think people are normalizing furries
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
