Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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