i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
