new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
