Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
