Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
