sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
