Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
