well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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