whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
