My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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