Will you blow on my dice?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize