she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
