forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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