My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
