Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
