He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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