i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
