Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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