if only i could text you this smell
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
