She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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