think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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