we have officially lost it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
