the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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