Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize