you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
