he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am available for nakedness
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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