All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
