This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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