I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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