Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
