My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
