Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is wine microwaveable?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
