With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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