I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You are the jesus of drinking
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
