grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
