I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
