My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
