I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
