...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
