i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
