God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
