I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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