So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
love makes seman taste better
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
