well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
