I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
