The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
