I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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