someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize