You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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