She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
