no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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