we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
